How to Respond When Someone Asks When You Are Having Children: 34 Replies

You can answer briefly, redirect the conversation or keep the subject private. “We’re keeping that part of our lives private, but thanks for understanding” is a clear response when you do not want to discuss plans. If the question keeps coming, try: “I’ve said I don’t want to discuss this. Please stop asking.”

You do not owe anyone a timeline, a decision or personal information about your body or relationship. You also do not have to make a firm public declaration if you are unsure. The right wording depends on what you want to share with this person, in this setting, on this occasion.

This guide offers original conversation examples. It does not assume that you want children, that you do not want them, or that there is a particular reason the question feels difficult. Choose a reply that is true for you, and use “I” or “we” according to whose wishes you are expressing.

In this guide: Choose how much to share · Ten common situations · Four replies to follow-up pressure · Agree a shared response · Mistakes and personalisation · Common questions

Choose how much to share

Decide your aim before choosing the wording. Do you want to give a brief answer, correct an assumption, change the subject or stop repeated questions? A friendly redirection can work for a passing remark. A persistent relative may need an explicit request not to ask again. You do not have to use the strongest response every time to make your preference legitimate.

Separate your private decision from the amount of information you want to disclose. You may know exactly what you want and still prefer not to explain it. You may also be undecided and not want anyone helping you decide. Privacy is not proof of a hidden announcement waiting to happen.

Think about the setting. A family dinner, a one-to-one conversation and a public comment online offer different amounts of control. You can postpone or decline a conversation rather than answer a personal question in front of an audience. If you want support afterwards, choose someone you trust rather than feeling required to educate everyone present.

Ten common situations

1. A casual acquaintance asks once

A short reply may be enough when the person does not know you well and the question seems conversational. You can be polite without giving a timetable. A redirection works best when you actually move to another subject instead of leaving a long pause that invites more guessing.

I don’t have any news to share about that. How have you been?

That’s something I keep private, but it’s good to catch up with you.

I’m not discussing family plans, thanks. Tell me about your recent trip.

Only ask about the trip if you know there was one; replace it with a real topic. The point is to move the conversation, not to memorise a diversion that sounds disconnected from the person in front of you.

2. You are undecided

You can say that you do not know without inviting a debate. Uncertainty is a complete answer about your current position. If advice is unwanted, add that clearly so the person does not interpret your answer as a request for persuasion.

I haven’t decided, and I’m comfortable leaving the question open for now.

I don’t have a timeline. I’m thinking about my own life, but I’m not looking for advice on it.

I’m not sure, and I don’t want to turn that into a group discussion. I’ll make my own decision in my own time.

Avoid giving a date just to stop the immediate question if you do not mean it. That date can become the subject of future follow-ups. A truthful open answer may feel less tidy, but it creates fewer expectations you will later need to undo.

3. You do not want children

You can state your decision without providing a list of reasons for others to assess. Choose the level of firmness that fits the relationship. If you want to talk about your reasons, that can be your choice rather than the automatic next stage of answering.

I don’t plan to have children. That’s the decision that feels right for me.

Parenthood isn’t something I want for my life, and I’m not looking to be persuaded otherwise.

We’ve decided not to have children. We understand other people choose differently, but this isn’t a decision we’re debating.

Use “we” only if you are accurately speaking for a shared decision. There is no need to compare your life with somebody else’s or justify it by criticising parents. Your own preference is the subject, not a contest between different lives.

4. You may want children but do not want to discuss timing

You can separate a general wish from a public plan. If you prefer not to disclose even that much, use a privacy response instead. Avoid implying that an announcement is imminent unless you actually intend to share one.

It’s something I may want, but I don’t have a timeline to share.

We’re keeping the timing and details to ourselves. Please let us bring it up if we want to talk about it.

I understand you’re curious, but I don’t want questions about when. I’d rather discuss something else.

A relative may treat any hint as permission to check again soon. If that would bother you, say explicitly that you will raise the subject yourself. You do not have to offer periodic updates as the price of keeping the details private.

5. The question touches a painful private experience

You can close the subject without naming the experience. Choose whether you want to acknowledge that it is difficult or simply state that it is private. Neither approach requires you to disclose details to prove why the question should stop.

This is a difficult subject for me, and I don’t want to discuss it. Please change the topic.

There’s more to this than I’m comfortable sharing. I need you not to ask me about it.

I know you may mean well, but that question is painful. Please let me decide if I ever want to talk about it.

If you become upset, you do not have to remain in the conversation until everyone understands. A pause, a private moment or leaving the room can be enough for now. The wording is an option, not an obligation to respond elegantly while distressed.

6. Parents or relatives keep asking

Refer to the pattern rather than answering the original question again. Repeatedly offering new explanations can make the conversation feel as though the decision remains open for negotiation. State the change you need in their behaviour.

You’ve asked me several times, and my answer is that I don’t want to discuss it. Please stop bringing it up.

I know this matters to you, but repeated questions are putting pressure on me. Let me raise the subject if I choose to.

We’ve already spoken about this boundary. I won’t be answering more questions about whether or when I’m having children.

If the person forgets rather than deliberately ignores you, the practical request is still the same. You can remind them calmly without deciding their motive. What matters is whether they stop, not whether you can prove why they asked again.

7. Someone asks in front of a group

Name the setting if that is the immediate problem. You do not have to give a private answer publicly because other people are listening. A short closing line can help you avoid being drawn into a room-wide discussion about your life.

That’s not something I’m discussing at dinner. Let’s move on.

I’d rather not have my family plans become a group topic. Who has something else to share?

I’m keeping that private, especially in a room full of people. Please ask me about something less personal.

You can ask a trusted person beforehand to help redirect recurring questions. Agree what support would look like so they do not accidentally share information or start an argument you did not want. A simple subject change may be all the help you need.

8. Someone assumes a wedding means children are next

Correct the assumption without explaining the whole relationship. Marriage, partnership and parenthood are not a single conversational package you have to discuss together. You can enjoy the occasion while declining an imagined next milestone.

We’re enjoying this part of our lives without announcing a next step. Please don’t assume children are the plan.

Getting married doesn’t mean we have family news to share. We’d rather keep the conversation about today.

That’s a separate decision for us, and we’re keeping it private.

Avoid letting the conversation become a debate about what marriage is supposed to mean. If someone wants to discuss their beliefs, you can decline that too. Your immediate aim may simply be to return to the celebration or the people you came to see.

9. You already have a child and they ask about another

You can respond to the pressure without describing your existing child as insufficient or discussing private household circumstances. A family does not need a publicly announced expansion plan. Keep the wording centred on your choices and privacy.

We’re not discussing plans for another child. Please don’t keep asking.

I’m happy to talk about how we’re doing now, but I’m not sharing decisions about a bigger family.

Our family plans are ours to work out. There isn’t an update to give you.

If the question is asked in front of your child, consider a short neutral reply that avoids turning them into the subject of a debate. You can speak privately with the adult later if their comments are becoming a recurring problem.

10. You want a lighter reply that still closes the subject

Light wording can suit an easy relationship, but use it only if humour feels comfortable. A joke that sounds like a teaser may invite more questions. These replies aim to keep a friendly tone while leaving the boundary visible.

No family-planning bulletin from me today! What’s new with you?

That part of my life isn’t on the public noticeboard. Let’s pick another topic.

I’m retiring that question from our catch-ups. I’d much rather hear about your weekend.

If the person keeps pressing, switch to a plain response rather than trying to find a cleverer joke. You do not have to make the boundary entertaining. Clarity is more useful than humour when the lighter version has not been respected.

Four replies to follow-up pressure

If someone says you will change your mind, you do not need to guarantee every future feeling. Ask them to respect your current position and your control over the conversation.

You don’t have to predict my future for me. Please respect what I’m telling you now.

If they say they are only asking, acknowledge the question without treating curiosity as an obligation to answer.

I understand you’re asking. I’m choosing not to answer, and I’d like you to leave it there.

If they appeal to what a relative wants, separate that person’s hopes from your own decision.

I understand they have hopes about it, but this isn’t a decision I can make to meet somebody else’s expectations.

If they keep going after you have asked them to stop, state the action you will take and follow through if you choose.

I’ve asked to change the subject. If it continues, I’m going to step away from this conversation.

You do not need to threaten a major break in the relationship to end a single exchange. Choose a response you can carry out now. If you want a longer conversation about repeated pressure, arrange it separately from the moment when you are already uncomfortable.

Agree a shared response

If you have a partner and the questions concern both of you, discuss what each person is comfortable sharing. You might agree on a short response for family gatherings and decide who will speak when particular relatives ask. The aim is to protect each person’s privacy, not to require identical feelings about every aspect of the future.

Do not disclose your partner’s private information to explain your own answer unless they have agreed. Equally, avoid blaming them as a way to escape pressure. “My partner won’t let me” can redirect the questioning towards somebody else and create a conflict that does not reflect the actual situation.

If your preferences differ or are still being discussed, you can keep that conversation private. A shared public response can simply say that you are not discussing family plans. It does not need to falsely announce a settled decision that neither of you has made.

For questions from your own relatives, you may choose to take the lead. Agree that directly rather than assuming your partner will always manage the uncomfortable moments. A little preparation can make support clearer when the subject arises unexpectedly.

Mistakes and personalisation

Do not invent a medical explanation. You can keep the subject private without claiming a diagnosis or experience that is not yours. A fabricated explanation may invite further questions and puts you in the position of maintaining a story you did not want to tell.

Avoid making promises to escape the moment. “Maybe next year” may be interpreted as a timeline. Use it only if it reflects what you actually want to share. If you mean “I don’t want to discuss this,” those words are clearer and less likely to create a future checkpoint.

Do not assume every question has the same intention. Some people are making conversation; others are applying pressure. You can respond to the effect and the pattern without proving a motive. A first gentle boundary and a later firm one can both be appropriate.

Choose the pronoun carefully. “I” speaks for you. “We” can imply a shared decision or shared wish for privacy. Use the one that is accurate, particularly when you are answering in front of a partner or discussing a topic you have not settled together.

Keep the exit available. You can redirect, pause or leave an exchange. You are not required to deliver every example in order or keep explaining until the other person agrees. A clear boundary can remain clear even when the response is disappointing.

Common questions

Can I say it is none of their business?

You can, especially if repeated questions have ignored gentler replies. If you want less confrontational wording, “That’s private, and I’m not discussing it” communicates the same limit. Choose the tone that fits the history rather than assuming firmness always requires an insult.

What if I shared something before?

You can change how much you share. Tell the person that you are keeping the subject private from now on. A past conversation does not require you to provide continuing updates, and you do not have to explain every reason for the change.

Should I educate them about why the question can hurt?

Only if you want to have that conversation. You can say that the subject may be more personal than they realise without disclosing your own circumstances. A request to stop can also stand alone; you do not owe a lesson every time someone asks.

How can a friend help when this happens?

Tell them what would help: changing the subject, checking in privately or joining you when you step away. Ask them not to reveal personal details or answer on your behalf. Support works best when it follows your wishes rather than escalating the exchange for you.

These original replies are intended to help you communicate your preferences. See our Editorial Policy for how we prepare the guides. For another recurring family boundary, read How to Ask Family to Call Before Visiting.